once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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