Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
