New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Never joke about your clitoris.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
