I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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