You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
