Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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