Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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