he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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