end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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