if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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