how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
