I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
