I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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