I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
