chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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