I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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