i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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