i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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