Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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