Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's blow job season.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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