i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
