So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
