I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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