Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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