Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
