I looked at my own cervix.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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