I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
