Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
