Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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