He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
