did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
