Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize