Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
