3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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