Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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