I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
