i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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