why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize