I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
