hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
