I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
