Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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