So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
