Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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