I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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