She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont even know how to be here
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
