Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
