break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
