i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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