I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
