I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
