If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
