girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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