I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
