Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
