I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
