Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
