I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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