This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
