jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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