All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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