He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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