that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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