mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
