I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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