i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
