Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
