I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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