I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
