it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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