Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
