U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
