His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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