I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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